---
title:    I Am Not a Fox
unlisted: true
---

I am not a fox.
It would be ridiculous to claim otherwise since a fox wouldn't be able to type on a keyboard, not to mention come up with this text in the first place.
A fox probably couldn't have a job as a software developer, too.
But despite reality leaving no room for doubt, my existence as a human being doesn't feel right to me.

It began one evening when I was about 6 years old.
I was watching "The Sword in the Stone" by Disney, an animated film about a boy called Arthur who is transformed into various animals by Merlin the wizard in order to educate him.
The idea of possessing a nonhuman body fascinated me immediately, especially that of a bird.
What would it feel like to experience and interact with the world, to be covered in feathers that are bristling in the wind as I'm flying through the sky?
As I imagined myself in this situation, something inside of my mind awakened; something that rejected my humanity and longed for the life I was supposed to have.
I didn't lose sight of the fact that I was a human, but I started to imagine what being a bird would be like frequently.

Nothing exciting happened for a while, until I got introduced to fantasy novels 7 years later and felt I was supposed to be a dragon.


By then, I had 
I had realized by then that my experience was far from normal and I finally decided to do research on the internet, where I stumbled across the furry fandom and found therians.

Therians are individuals who believe they are an animal on some level, either spiritually -- such as past lives or souls -- or psychologically.
It sounds like the perfect answer to my question, but after looking into them it didn't resonate with me.