---
title:    I Am Not a Fox
unlisted: true
---

I am not a fox.
It would be ridiculous to claim otherwise since a fox wouldn't be able to type on a keyboard, not to mention come up with this text in the first place.
A fox probably couldn't have a job as a software developer, too.
But despite reality leaving no room for doubt, my existence as a human never felt right to me.

I was 6 years old when I first became aware that something was wrong.
It was evening and I was watching "The Sword in the Stone" by Disney, an animated film about a boy called Arthur who is transformed into various animals to learn different life lessons.
I was immediately fascinated by the idea of possessing a nonhuman body, and especially that of a bird.
What would it feel like to experience having such a completely different body; to have a beak and wings and to be covered in feathers that are bristling in the wind as I'm flying through the sky?
I hadn't noticed the persistent nagging at the back of my mind before, but as I imagined myself in this situation it fell silent for the first time in my life.
I didn't question what was happening -- I was only 6 years old after all.
I just knew that imagining I was a bird felt right and so it turned into a habit that would last for a very long time.