---
title:    I Am Not a Fox
unlisted: true
---

I am not a fox.
It would be ridiculous to claim otherwise since a fox wouldn't be able to type on a keyboard, not to mention come up with this text in the first place.
A fox probably couldn't have a job as a software developer, too.
But despite reality leaving no room for doubt, my existence as a human never felt right to me.

It began one evening when I was about 6 years old.
I was watching "The Sword in the Stone" by Disney, an animated film about a boy called Arthur who is transformed into various animals by Merlin the wizard in order to educate him.
The idea of possessing a nonhuman body fascinated me immediately, especially that of a bird.
What would it feel like to have such a completely different body, to have a beak and wings and to be covered in feathers that are bristling in the wind as I'm flying through the sky?
As I imagined myself in this situation, something inside of my mind awakened; something that rejected my human body and longed for another one; something that would never leave me alone again.

Driven by this desire, I started to fantasize about being a bird frequently.
For me it was -- and still is -- a strictly personal and mental matter, so I made sure to have time for myself and focused on making the body feel realistic to let me forget about reality.

The only thing that has changed over time was the creature I became in my fantasy.