Update

1 files changed, 15 insertions, 0 deletions

diff --git a/content/notebook/fediverse/i-want-to-be-a-fox.md b/content/notebook/fediverse/i-want-to-be-a-fox.md
index 14717bd..a24035d 100644
--- a/content/notebook/fediverse/i-want-to-be-a-fox.md
+++ b/content/notebook/fediverse/i-want-to-be-a-fox.md
@@ -2,12 +2,15 @@
 schema_type: DigitalDocument
 title:       I Want To Be a Fox
 date:        2022-07-09
+last_update: 2022-07-30
 
 references: 
   - label: Original Question
     url:   https://brotka.st/notice/ALFjUBS9tkCWKyprMm
   - label: Original Reply
     url:   https://mk.vulpes.one/notes/92gm6ipdtp
+  - label: Update 2022-07-30
+    url:   https://mk.vulpes.one/notes/93ajjhu562
 ---
 
 ::: alert
@@ -22,3 +25,15 @@ It's been a constant throughout my life and I can hardly express how much I long
 Obviously, that will never happen, though. I accepted it because what other choice do I have, but I'd be lying if I said that it wasn't eating away at me at times. I found two things that help me handle my feelings: The first one is creating art. The second one is my online identity which lets me live out myself genuinely, unlike my "real" name and my "real" face. Here I'm not strictly limited to my body and I'm truly thankful that this possibility exists.
 
 As for the recent dragon stuff, I thought about what this character means to me. I identify with it because it's an expression of my creativity and taste, but it hasn't taken over the role of foxes.
+
+##### Update 2022-07-30
+
+I mentioned before that I sometimes have sleepwalking...ish episodes where I partially wake up at night and I'm usually aware of who and where I am, but my mind is still in dream mode which leads to interesting thought processes.
+
+For instance, about half a year ago I had 3 or 4 where I thought wasps (closest approximation) were attacking me. I'm sure I posted about them on fedi. It fucking sucked.
+
+Last night I had one where I thought I was a spirit and I could take any shape I wanted, so naturally I tried to be a fox. Then I fully woke up because my heart was racing and I had to calm down.
+It's not the first time an episode went in that direction and I cherish every time it happens. In these rare moments, being a fox is suddenly a dream that can become reality right then and there and I experience a peace of mind that's indescribable. Just try to imagine your feelings if an impossible lifelong dream suddenly came true.
+Nothing else comes even close to this experience, because when I'm awake I'm always aware of the reality in the back of my mind. No amount of fantasizing or online interactions or well-intentioned "but Volpeon, you _are_ a fox"-es or anything else can change that. Which doesn't mean it can't be helpful -- except for the last one in a serious context, I don't like that at all.
+
+Anyway, last night was great. :drgn_happy: