content/9thPK7O3xn/posts/i-am-not-a-fox.md


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---
title:    I Am Not a Fox
unlisted: true
---

I am not a fox.
It would be ridiculous to claim otherwise since a fox wouldn't be able to type on a keyboard, not to mention come up with this text in the first place.
A fox probably couldn't have a job as a software developer, too.
But despite reality being quite obvious, my existence as a human being doesn't feel right to me.
It never has.

I was 6 years old when I first became aware of this feeling.
I'm sure many of you have seen the movie "The Sword in the Stone" by Disney, wherein the protagonist Arthur is transformed into various animals to learn different life lessons.
I was watching this movie one evening and was fascinated by the idea of possessing a nonhuman body, especially that of a bird.
What would it be like to experience the world as one?
To be covered in feathers that are bristling in the wind as I'm flying through the air?
I hadn't noticed the persistent nagging at the back of my mind before, but as I imagined myself in this situation I felt relieved when it fell silent for the first time in my life.
I didn't question what was happening -- I was only 6 years old after all.
But I had become aware of this unpleasant feeling and I learned how to make it go away, so it became of mine to turn into a bird in my fantasies.